By ROBERT BIRCH
An elder taught me that slowing down by just five per cent makes all the difference. Learning how to slow down enough to listen, whatever our age, is an eldering skill.
I remember attending a community event 20 years ago when we were asked to divide into two circles. Everyone under 40 was in the inner circle. I had just turned 40. I wept as I was welcomed by the grey hairs with shining, knowing eyes. They took my hand as if to say, “welcome to the losses and joys of aging.” The younger queer people felt equally cared for, knowing those who had travelled a little further down the road had their backs.
As LGBTQIA+ elders, it’s been a wild ride over these last several decades. On top of life’s expected joys and sorrows, we’ve had the added blessings and burdens of expanding cultural awareness, not only for ourselves, but also within families, communities and institutions. We have the scars and laugh lines to prove it.
Alongside other great workshops at this year’s Pride Fest ‘24, including chanting, drumming, sacred intimacy, dance, writing and artmaking, we’re inviting all LGBTQIA+ elders, and elders-to-be, to join the circle. Please, bring a chair along with your stories, questions and concerns.
On Friday and Sunday mornings at 10 a.m. on the festival grounds, Caffyn Jesse, Susan Higginbotham and I will be hostessing 90-minute Elders Circles. We will begin as a larger group to establish some helpful parameters such as accessibility needs and confidentiality before joining smaller gender-focused affinity groups. We will briefly return to the larger circle to share what we’ve learned, likely to nod and laugh.
One coffin size has never fit all. As we all approach the inevitable, many LGBTQIA+ elders have begun to address issues of aging with a renewed sense of purpose and belonging. We’re curious how we queer our death and dying. From authoring “living well to dying well” books to a new queer-inclusive initiative sponsored by Vancouver Island Persons with AIDS called Walking Each Other Home, we’re inviting people to first come into community circles to discuss what matters to us during these strange days of getting older, and hopefully wiser. We’re intending that these gently facilitated circles launch a new chapter for LGBTQIA+ folx here and on Vancouver Island. Together, we can continue to co-create what we need and desire — for our mutual aid, and for the wellbeing of society.
We know Pride takes a village. To Sharyn, Natu, Moss, the Pride committees and DAISSI board, bouquets of roses for making us all shine brighter! To all our dear allies and friends on this big-hearted island, we cherish you. Country Grocer, you continue to model true generosity. We love your amazing staff and community-minded vision. To all our sponsors, volunteers and supporters: thank you for getting it and stepping up. It’s a true honour and privilege to be getting older with you all.
Let’s keep celebrating together, Salt Spring. Happy Pride, everyone!