By MIKE STACEY
Once again we have completed our orbit around the sun and spring is upon us.
The last few months have brought mostly bad news, so as we eagerly wait for the mud to turn to dust, here is a list of positive happenings.
Firstly, of course, is the huge gold strike on Ganges hill that is to be used to build the Ganges Bypass. It’s actually fortunate that we don’t have it already, depriving motorists of the spectacle that is road construction. Dig a hole, fill it in. Dig a hole, fill it in. The temporary surface is a joy to drive on. One could play billiards on it! Any remaining funds will be put toward building a fire hall at every bus stop. Can’t be too safe!
The solar streetlight project nears completion. As long as it’s sunny those things will light up our streets like high noon. It’s a no- brainer.
Acclaimed local country artist Tex Feldman has reached number 17 on the Spuzzum Hit Parade with his new release “I’ve fallen for you and I can’t get up.” This is two spots higher than he achieved with “Mama’s up in heaven and Pa’s gone all to hell.”
South-end author Shilo Cyberspace’s new book, loosely based on the 1903 Great Beaver Point Sheep Release, is out this week. Look for Free Wooly at better book stores.
In the cycling world, “Slow To Pass“ is now the rule of the road. Makes perfect sense to be on the wrong side of the road for as long as possible. Some locals have, in the interest of bike safety, gone one step further with “Stop To Pass.” It has been proven to be 100 per cent effective with no injuries reported.
The semi-pro Island Ladies Fencing Team was victorious in competition this year: 650 feet of five-strand barbed wire in three hours, nine minutes and 11 seconds. Way to go, girls!
After innumerable sleepless nights worrying about suicidal ducks in the neighbourhood, Rod and Gun Club members have come up with a plan to ease tensions. Music! The association’s Long Harbour Road property will be a perfect location for Salt Spring’s Pipes, Drums and Zither Band to practise, focusing primarily on first-year bagpipe students. The long stretch of straight road there will allow a couple of dozen beginners to learn how to play while marching back and forth all day! This, in addition to the new anti-aircraft guns being set up, will bring peace and harmony to all.
Finally, my proposed new Canada Coat of Arms has been greenlighted in Ottawa. It will feature a mighty American eagle perched high in a maple tree while a Canadian beaver chews it off at the stump.