It is said that there are two kinds of people in the world. There are those who claim there are two kinds of people and those who argue that there aren’t.
Of course, we live on an island where everybody knows that if you ask to hear both sides of an argument, you will probably get three. At least three. In fact, it has often been repeated that Salt Spring is nothing but an argument surrounded by water.
In reality, the Oxford English Dictionary defines an argument as “a connected series of statements intended to establish a definite proposition.” Certainly, this is how arguments are looked at in the realms of logic and formal debate. How much fun is that? No, the arguments we want to examine are full of name-calling, insults and outright vitriol. They can deteriorate in a matter of seconds from polite disagreement to eye-bulging, throat-huffing, vein-bulging “let’s step outside and settle this the old-fashioned way” over something as innocuous as Saturday Market parking.
You might recall a brilliant sketch performed by the British comedy troupe, Monty Python, where one fellow enters a room for the purpose of engaging in an argument but is denied the argument because he is told that he hasn’t paid for one. They go back and forth bickering in the most childish way (“yes I did,” “no you didn’t”) as they differ on whether they are really participating in an argument or merely a contradiction.
There exist an infinite number of topics over which one can argue. There can be no subject that cannot be dichotomized so that an opposing view is possible. Is the Earth round or flat? If it is round, why does it look flat? If it is flat, why don’t we fall off the edge? Why not agree that it is saucer-shaped and therefore both round and flat? Why? Because that would put an end to a perfectly good argument! As the chap in the Monty Python sketch said, “I paid good money for this argument.”
Another wonderful concept to argue is the existence of God. Is there a God? If so, how many? Was man created in the image of God, or was it the other way around? Is God omniscient and omnipotent, or does he just think he knows everything and can only handle small DIY jobs? Perhaps God, too, is saucer-shaped.
Nothing gives more satisfaction than arguing about politics. Whether you support the Liberals or Conservatives, the Democrats or the Republicans, the Left or the Right, the East or the West, you will always be able to engage with someone who can give you a good political argument. Naturally, it is impossible to win this kind of a set to, as all sides inevitably continue to believe what they first considered to be the correct stance. A perfect example can be witnessed at Question Period in the House of Commons in Ottawa. Nothing instills more honour and respect for our political system than being able to witness our elected representatives stomping their feet and shouting down the ideas and opinions of their opponents sitting across the aisle.
If you’ve lived on the island long enough, you probably remember the Marvin-Texan line. This was an imaginary line across Salt Spring that divided the north end from the south. Most people thought it occurred at the point where the telephone exchange switched from 537 to 653. However, those in the know claimed that the line was actually drawn up by Marvin and Tex, two of the island’s more colourful pop bottle and beer can entrepreneurs, in order to establish jurisdiction over whose returnables belonged to whom. To this very day, the jury is still out as to whether this artificial border actually exists.
There is no shortage of other issues that, in their day, became political footballs argued up and down the island. Perhaps one of the most memorable, and possibly the bitterest, occurred in a later part of the last century. This became known as the Sewer War and the animosity that arose from the conflicting opinions surrounding the cost and even existence of a sewer plan for Ganges made for some strange bedfellows, indeed. What caused the fire aboard the barge moored in Ganges Harbour that was carrying some sewer equipment still remains a mystery.
Among the other great controversial projects were recreational facilities such as a swimming pool and tennis courts. There seemed to be a pool referendum every five years and it looked like the island’s population was so divided that it would never win a majority. It appeared to many that the only reason the pool referendum kept reappearing on the ballot every few years was just to give the citizenry something to argue about. As if we needed an excuse.
The most recent argument craze, although it never seems to go away for good, involves the dispute over incorporation versus the present forms of governance that rule Salt Spring and the other Gulf Islands. Just check out Facebook, or any other of the multitude of social forums self-propagating on the internet. Every post for or against incorporation will be followed by an endless list of comments that go as far as to smear and threaten all those who dare to disagree with the previous comments.
These trolls are definitely not following in the tradition of Monty Python’s “I came here for a good argument.” Nobody asked me, but we’re never going to run out of controversies we can argue on. Whether we’re debating about the best place to eat on the island, the supreme cup of coffee, or even if thin crust pizza is superior to deep dish, we can be sure that someone will come up with a proper rebuttal to anything that’s been said before. And someone else will have a rebuttal to that rebuttal until you’ve had it right up the old rebuttal.