Long before there was the World Wide Web, the internet and social media, we had something that was just as powerful if not more so. Back in the early days of human interaction, ages before fire and the wheel, we had a method of communication that radiated out from the source at just under the speed of light. We named this early technology “gossip,” which soon developed into another potent tool we came to call “rumours.”
Marching hand in hand with gossip and rumours and therefore completing the spying and snooping triangle is the long valued art of eavesdropping. This skill got its name from the fact that the piece of ground where rainwater dripped down from the roof was called the eavesdrop and was usually very close to a house. If someone stood on this piece of ground, it would be possible to overhear conversations in the house. Hence, eavesdropping.
Gaining popularity lately in the world of gossip and rumours is a game called “snippets.” As the name suggests, contestants are encouraged to collect little snippets of local gossip, blend them with other eavesdropped specimens of recent “word of mouth” samples, and kick-start a whole new rumour that’s just busting to go viral.
Just imagine you are walking between the cars sitting in the lineup in the ferry compound. As you pass each car, you can hear a small snippet of conversation floating out from an open window. Perhaps as you pass the first vehicle, you hear someone complaining about the price of coffee. When you reach the driver’s side of the second car, you hear someone commenting on the lack of quality of the toilet paper in the ferry washrooms. When you next get to the rusty pickup truck, the driver is bemoaning the rabbit and poultry judging at the last fall fair. You are now ready to roll. If you do a little rearranging and tweaking, you can come up with the juicy rumour that the coffee grounds from the local restaurants and cafes are being dehydrated and mixed with fur and down feathers collected from wild bunny hides and hen roosts. The resulting mishmash of ingredients are finally pressed into sheets which are then assembled onto rolls, which then allows the ferry corp to claim it has gone totally organic with its toilet supplies.
Another sample of a snippet moment can be gleaned while you are waiting with your shopping cart in the checkout lineup at the grocery store. Think of it as a “cut and paste” exercise, except in this case you are dismembering conversation instead of digital text. As shoppers exchange pleasantries, you may find yourself eavesdropping on several unrelated conversations occurring simultaneously. Always on the lookout for a snippet or two, you find your mind focusing upon comments on the housing shortage as well as pet peeves such as blinding headlights that are improperly aimed. One of the shoppers who has a hearing problem mistakes the headlight complaint for an infestation of head lice in the local schools . . . and off you go. The resulting merging creates a snoop effect that is sure to launch the epic rumour that the shortage of housing on the island is actually a fake conspiracy formulated by the health ministry. In reality, there exists plenty of available housing here on Salt Spring, but it has been sitting vacant for so long that the spaces are now occupied by creepy pests such as bed bugs and head lice. These are mostly invisible to the naked eye, but become very apparent when illuminated in the beams of badly aimed headlights shining from passing road traffic on foggy nights. Ding! Another scoring snippet.
The fodder for playing snippets is seemingly endless. Where better to listen in on conversations than in the waiting room at your doctor or dentist? Could you do better eavesdropping while waiting your turn for a blood test at the Lady Minto Hospital lab? The possibilities seem endless.
Rumours that begin as little snippets of conversations but eventually merge into completely unexpected phenomena act very much like that old parlour game “Broken Telephone.” You may recall that in this game a secret message is started at one end of a line of people and whispered down the line from one ear to the next one until it reaches the last person. When the end of the line person reveals what they heard, it is usually quite different from the opening message and often produces hearty laughter. Similarly, snippets overheard on the bus or in a restaurant may lead to rumours tying together pickleball disputes and pizza wars or building bylaws with float plane noise.
Win or lose, there is no limit to the pleasure you can derive by watching your newborn rumour being launched out into the universe with little or no chance of total retraction. Once it’s out there, it takes on a life of its own and can only spawn further gossip and more outrageous hearsay. You will certainly find yourself in league with all the other meddling busybodies and nosy scandalmongers who live for the purpose of prying and making mischief.
Nobody asked me, but I don’t imagine that it’s possible to spread more information about island life and its social framework than by creating snippets rumours and passing them around. What you lose in reliability is more than made up for in notoriety. Don’t be surprised, though, if one of your best snippets comes back to bite you on the bum.
Say, did you know that the dude who writes those corny columns for the Driftwood once offered to teach an adult ed course called “Math for Absolute Pinheads” but had to cancel the course because nobody signed up for it?